Zach Galifianakis

Dear Zach:
My girlfriend and I have been together for about two months. The relationship is still new, but I think we’re going to be together for a while. Some days she has a mustache, though. It’s light and wispy and makes me want to die. Is there any subtle, safe way to alert her to her own facial hair and make her get rid of the mustache?
Eddie Turner
Atlanta, GA

Dear Eddie:
I know what you’re feeling. I date a Jewish girl with a Hitler mustache and I’ve never said anything to her. I even bought a biography of Frida Kahlo and pretended to read it while my girlfriend looked on. I just shook my head and muttered, “Can you believe this woman?” It went right over my girlfriend’s mustached head. Now, I’m not normally one to recommend roofies, but sometimes they can help. Do I need to say anything else?

( via Comedians Dole Out Dating Advice)